Tuesday, July 26, 2016

jared's faux obituary, because i love him (annotated)

Last year for my half birthday (Shar would always celebrate my half with me at my request instead of my full cuz it’s right by Christmas) Sharry wrote me an early obituary which is incredibly thoughtful and overly positive. It was an exaggerated viewpoint for my birthday! She even titled it "jared's faux obituary2015...because i love him". I miss her so so much! I returned the favor and wrote her one on her b-day which I will share next post.


Jared Buhanan-Decker, a loving and passionate school counselor, (talented sailor), we had just used a groupon for a sailing lesson and talked about getting a sailboat if the baby thing didn’t pan out comfortable dresser, environmental activist, and easy going husband, (father), son, uncle, and friend, mysteriously passed away last Saturday, leaving only a succinct note, “apple got me.” A student gave me a dozen apples for Christmas once and I almost choked to death on one and was actually in the process of sending Shar a text “Love you forever, apple got me” when I was able to cough it up
26 Weeks, our baby announcement pics for our family
Jared married the love of his life, on a cool day in December while a Mormon bishop blathered about compromise and work boots. Somehow the southern Utah sun had already melted their stories together like brown sugar and cream caramelizing on the stove, because before their first official date, Sharry said she could taste his sweetness. She is such a beautiful writer! Their marriage was a union of love and lives, blood and bones, flesh and souls. And throughout their lives together, he blessed her, and everyone close to him, with many valuable lessons.

He taught us to always play with kids on the ground, give nieces and nephews lots of love and kisses, “hug it out” when they get bumps or bruises, and always help them jump like a kangaroo across the living room until your back is sore. Dress comfortably, she obviously loved how comfortably I dress haha wear the same pants over and over until they fail to pass the “smell test,” and only own light colored t-shirt incase it gets hot. Live simply, start breathing deeply, and strive to live in the moment- because this life is your chance to become a bodhisattva (wikipedia), so don’t waste it. never turn down a piece of blueberry pie, start every morning with a cup of hot water, and end each day with a family meditation in corpse pose. Give money to charity, and forgive immediately when someone apologizes. And most importantly, if you drink out of styrofoam cups, stop- you are ruining the earth. Totally agree here haha

Out of all the things he shared, the thing he taught us most was love. He taught us that love is more than colored hearts or delicate confections. Love means sleeping on park benches, under bike racks, and on little blue mats. Shar adventures It means scooping kitty litter, holding hands at all times, kissing three times after every prayer, and snagging an extra piece of cake from the statewide counseling conference to take home and share with your spouse. This is simply the golden rule!

Jared’s lessons in love extended to his schools, where he fought teenagers in water fights, raced them in obstacle courses, let them throw pies in his face, and embraced them when they cried. He started leadership groups, planned civil rights assemblies, and honestly believed in the next generation. He believed in the inherent goodness of human beings. He believed in others’ dreams.

He had a life-long love affair with life, and always considered the current chapter in life to be his favorite. He often referred to his job as his dream job, his wife as his dream girl, and their dented red toyota echo as his dream car. True story every year we were together was my best year ever..until now

Everyone who knew Jared was drawn into his easy smile. But it was his giant heart that saved a special space for those close to him to climb inside and build a home. I don’t have nor want a home without Sharry I don’t know how we got so lucky to have spent our lives with him, but we are honored to be his eternal companions into the unknown. In the end, we all die in an unfinished work of art, and every piece is beautiful in it’s own way. But Jared’s was a masterpiece of warm, rich hues and underlying philosophical truths. I don’t know what the next world will hold, but I know wherever we go, our murals will grow together. Because we love you Jared. And anywhere you go, you never go alone. I love this writing. The imagery is so powerful and the words so kind. I sincerely hope that we are “eternal companions into the unknown” and that wherever we go our “murals will grow together”! And I have often read this just to read her words “anywhere you go, you never go alone.”

And to their beautiful (future) children, Sharry hopes that they too will find their other half, as poetically imperfect as Jared was to her. YES with all my heart YES

In lieu of flowers, please write your senators, congresswomen, or local representatives and ask them to increase the carbon tax, repeal citizens united, and cap term limits. Haha of course this implies that by the time I die a carbon tax is already implemented.

Sharry is so amazing isn’t she!? Who writes this heart melting stuff for someone’s 32 ½ birthday? Sharry, that’s who! I will share mine that I wrote for her next, but just heads up I shared the best first haha.


  1. I really loved this. From what I have read on this blog and now this latest post, it's obvious you two were made for each other. I am so sorry that your time together in this life was cut so short and for the unimaginable pain this separation is causing. I only hope that as you continue to seek for truth, you will eventually come to understand God's plan for you, Sharry and JJ and that you will find a measure of peace in that knowledge. Even though I don't know you, I pray for you and your son daily as do many others. God bless the three of you.

  2. This is so incredibly beautiful. What a wonderful thing to have from Sharry.

  3. I love this!!! I'm so happy you have all of these beautiful memories of your beautiful wife!! You truly were blessed! Miss you Jared!!! I hope St. george is going well! Keep your head up!

  4. I love your love story. You are both models of love and your son is blessed to be a part of it.

  5. This is beautiful. She absolutely was an amazing writer! And this "obituary" fits you perfectly.