Sunday, May 14, 2017

Mother's Day

This Mother’s Day is a very difficult day.

I of course am poignantly reminded of my missing love, best friend and JJ’s mama. I am reminded just how cruel and heartbreaking life can be. We live in a reality where a completely innocent baby boy is robbed of his loving mama in a freakish turn of events and she is deprived of a future for the crime of wanting to bring more love and life into the world.

Last year, Mother’s day 2016, was one week before Sharry’s baby shower at a time when she was anxiously awaiting the arrival of baby George (that was our top name choice at the time). We had just barely moved int our first home where Shar had created a beautiful nursery. She was nervous with anticipation feeling JJ’s movements and jutting baby parts and couldn’t wait to meet this new human who she already loved so incredibly deeply. Of course 39 days later when JJ did make his entrance into this existence Sharry was on her way out. They never even got to least not physically.

It would be very easy to throw up my hands and say what kind of hell on Earth creates situations where motherless children exist!? But that is not the entire truth of the matter. JJ has not been left motherless. I really hope and choose to believe that he has a guardian angel mother watching over him. Is it the same as having her in the flesh? Of course not but unfortunately for whatever reason that was not a choice for us.

JJ has so many loving mother figures in his life. One day a week he spends with one of my cousins who is a mother of two school age boys who look forward to seeing JJ every week after school. She is intuitive, kind, patient and loving with JJ. He loves spending time with her and her family. Another day every week JJ spends with one of my sister in laws. She is a mother of two darling girls who dote on JJ as if he was their own baby brother. She is loving, skilled, generous and compassionate. I thank God and Shar for both of these moms.

JJ and I are both so blessed to have my mom and Sharry’s mom here in St George as an intricate piece of her lives here. Sharry’s mom watches JJ at least three days a week. It is a beautiful sight in the morning when I drop JJ off to see him light up and reach out to Grandma Buhanan. This relationship is a powerful connection for both of them to their missing mother and daughter. Grandma Buhanan is so sweet, loving, patient and attentive AND she is able to share with JJ some of the powerful love that she has for her angel daughter through stories, toys, experience and presence. If Sharry does still exist and has some autonomy I’m sure she spends many days with these two.

My own mother for all intents and purposes is JJ’s adopted Earthly mom. This is both incredibly heartbreaking and so deeply fortunate. He looks to her for comfort, love and support and he finds it. I am so grateful for the emotional, physical and parental support that Grandma Decker brings to mine and JJ’s very complicated lives. When the foundation of my former life was ripped from underneath me of course my world came crashing down but my mom, just like when I was a child myself, has been a significant part of rebuilding my life in the last 11 months. I am so deeply grateful to her and I know Shar is/would be too.

The mothers in our lives teach us what true love is. Yes love can be exciting, expanding and so deeply fulfilling yet it is also selfless, patience and goodness in action. I know one of the most important lessons these moms (Shar very much included) have taught me in my life is that relationships are what make life worth living and I hope to live according to that legacy.
Two pictures by another amazing mother Sarah, who is doing the beautiful art for a children's book we're writing