Sunday, January 29, 2017

6/16/16 an alternate universe??

Remember in Back to the Future II when Old Man Biff goes back in time with a sports almanac that he gives to his young self completely altering the future for the worst especially for Marty McFly? Or in X-men days of future past where Senator Kelly and Professor X are assassinated forever ruining human-mutant relations until the mistake is fixed by the super mutant team? Or finally where in It’s a Wonderful Life Mr Potter buys out the savings and loan creating immense poverty in Potterville because George Bailey wasn’t there to stop him? I drew from a fairly wide range of examples from pop culture so hopefully you can relate to at least one of these light hearted examples where a horrible alternate history is both presented and solved. I sincerely feel as if this is my life and some kind of Biff, Potter or Mystique altered my timeline from heaven to hell.

This time last year was the most hopeful and excited about life in general Sharry and I had ever been and for good reason. First we super excited to help elect a kind, progressive politician with morals and heart, President Bernie Sanders. We made over 1,600 calls for his primary campaign and donated hundreds of dollars for the promise of a brighter, cleaner and more just future. Instead the unimaginable happened and we have a President Trump. At my last job (a year ago) I had middle school students come into my office in tears from fear that Trump would become president and come after them and their families. I promised them that America would never elect Trump and even if they did he wouldn’t be allowed to do such things. I was wrong.

Voting for Bernie @ the Primary on a snowy day in a long line

Second Sharry and I had been living like poor college kids for a few years after getting our graduate degrees, with two full time jobs, in order to save for a house and 2016 is when our search began in earnest. We ultimately found a house in a quiet neighborhood, beautiful views, great schools and close to family. We envisioned raising 2-3 children in our new home where we would finally put down deep loving roots. Two months after moving into our new home I moved back into my parents’ house and now reside in the same room I lived in while in high school. Our house is sold (fortunately at not too great a loss) and both the literal (trees we planted) and metaphorical roots planted last spring have completely withered and dried up.
Working on our yard planting and dreaming

Finally Sharry and I tried for a few years to have a baby. Beat down by month after month of failure we miraculously (or tragically) were able to conceive and have a baby boy on the way. It is incredibly heart breaking to remember a year ago when most nights Shar and I would lay in bed rubbing her belly together and talking about all the big plans we had for our baby boy and the BD3. Adventures, art, hikes, protests, concerts, trips, books, cuddles, songs and love. Our life was so pregnant (literally and figuratively) with hope, joy and love. Yet 6/16/16 came along and the ultimate tragedy of all tragedies struck when my soul mate, a full term, healthy mom checked into the hospital and did not check out. She was ripped away from her other half and her new beautiful baby boy.

What the hell happened!? I know if God exists he/she does not cause such tragedy to happen or prevent it from occurring. Were we really just the ultimate losers in life’s lottery? I would give anything to be Marty McFly, Kitty Pride or George Bailey and undo this history gone wrong. Unfortunately this is real life and there are no resets, time machines or save points and I must learn to live in a world with rich Biffs, President Trumps and Pottervilles. Somehow I am treading water enough to survive in this world without Professor Xavier or the angel of my soul and mother of my beautiful boy.

PS Apologies for the nerdy and negative tone. I have been watching a lot of movies lately and am struggling with our new President’s actions, JJ’s lack of sleep (he’s sick), and as always life without Shar.

Playing with cousin Eddie with a favorite toy, a plastic cup (o:
A kind stranger had this made featuring one of Sharry's many messages to JJ and I. LOVE it.


  1. Hey Jared,

    I dont know you, but I heard your story on Strangers and I am heartbroken for you. My wife and I had a baby the day before you and your wife and I cannot imagine my life without my wife. I would be lost. I cannot imagine the grief and pain you have had to go through. I am sorry for your loss. I am inspired by your efforts to push on and be a good father. You have inspired me to be more grateful for what I have. I hope you are able to come to terms with where life has taken you and find peace and joy. I believe you will see Sharry again and your bond was truly eternal. It sounds like you two were soul mates and your union was magical. I pray for you and hope the best for you. I cannot imagine the joy you feel for your son and the pain for the loss of your wife. If you ever need someone to talk to here is my email: My family lives in Beaverton, OR. We were also lovers of Bernie Sanders and are worried about Global Warming. We have great hiking and camping up here in the Great Northwest if you ever make it here we would love to show you around. Appreciate you sharing your feelings and reaching out to others, and I would love to be of help. Wishing the best for you and your miraculous son.

  2. I am utterly heartbroken for your loss. Your little boy is very lucky to have such an amazing dad xx

  3. SO, SO SORRY for your loss.
    Reading your blog I came upon this comment "... I recently wrote a tearful letter to a leader in the LDS Church, and actually received a kind, loving and faithful response for which I am very grateful. Yet that does not change the fact that I have prayed, fasted, meditated and studied the last few months with greater sincerity, pleading and hope than ever before and I have not received an answer. At least not one I recognize."
    Your situation reminded me of a talk that helped that I love:
    Sunday Will Come. :)
    If you would like a pen pal who could help you find answers to doctrinal questions, let me know. I love doctrine and love to share it. God bless.

  4. This is my life. I still find myself wondering if this is real. It can't be. It is too bizarre. And yet it is. We also were campaigning for Bernie. I can't believe my husband was so out of the loop about our current reality. There are many times I wish I had him to talk to about it (we are/were social science teachers). On the bright side, it was easier to stomach Trump having already been through hell. I kept telling people "welcome to the Twilight Zone!"

    P.S. We totally got Biff as a president!

    1. Haha yes we did. So crazy right?! Also definitely agree Trump is easier to stomach after living through hell! Still not great though! Hey feel free to add me on FB if you haven't already and we can message about our experiences...if you like.

    2. I thought I replied here, but apparently it didn't go through? At any rate, I added you! (Teresa Shimogawa.)