Saturday, September 23, 2017

Forgetting Her Voice

Last night I was going through old files on my computer trying to organize and cleanup a little and I stumbled upon a couple of videos of Sharry. These are videos from the days before Sharry was torn from this world and JJ came into it, videos that I have not watched for quite a few months. I watched and was shocked. I am already starting to forget exactly how my beloved Sharry’s voice sounds. I listen to her songs often enough that I am well aware of her singing voice in my mind but did not realize I am losing track of her speaking voice.

Here is the video that hit me so hard. I love the simplicity of it as we are just hanging out in our kitchen with our cat and Shar’s big ol belly compliments of JJ. I think the video is important to share so that the world can hear and remember, at least for a time, what she sounds like.

I hate that this is happening to me and to her. My mortal, quite imperfect brain is losing parts of the person who was my everything for almost 12 years...and this is only after 15 months! I legitimately grow incredibly queasy to think about how much detail and memories will fade in 15 years. Sharry deserves so much more than that.

I, of course, will never willingly give up a single minute memory but regrettably many more are likely to fade. Fortunately, she has JJ in her corner. I am confident thanks to our baby boy her memory will be more vibrant than it would have without him. I cannot wait to tell him all about his Mom, her personality, her funny quirks, her adventures, funny stories, her pictures, videos and her voice. Between Shar’s writings and legacy, my memories and JJ’s desire to know his angel mama we will keep her memory alive as much as any humans possibly can.

JJ watching the trains (aka SLC trax) go by with his cousin. He is obsessed with Thomas the train lately!

One of his amazing babysitters has a pet bunny. JJ loves cute little animals.


  1. Been reading all of your entries, thank you so beautiful. Keep writing not only for you, but for JJ and all of us. You remind me how important it is to tape our loved ones voices whether it be our spouses, children parents, they all matter and life is so short and precious. God bless you and JJ.

  2. She sounds like crazy really. I watched the whole video, and that was amazing really. This is one way you can share your stories. And oh look at the little girl looking at the bunny. So cute!!...:)