Saturday, February 11, 2017

Homesick for Her

Recently I’ve had a quessy pit in my stomach and chest that I cannot shake. It reminds me of when I moved as a kid and missed everything about my old home. My friends, my room, the weather, my school, the routines and traditions...everything was missed and it took quite a bit to adjust and reorient myself to the new place. Now 20+ years later as a 34 year old grown up adult (more or less), I have the most excruciating longing for home in my entire life. I am so intensely homesick for Shar.

When you are blessed with finding your twin soul at the age of 21 you grow accustom to some pretty amazing things:
  • 24/7 best friend...the only friend you ever want or need
  • Touching, holding and cuddling
  • Kissing! Little kisses and big kisses with everything in between
  • A partner in crime
  • A loyal confidant
  • The greatest argument adversary
  • Sharing hopes and dreams then filling the calendar with plans big and small
  • Being vulnerable and finding amazing depths of love and support
  • Adventuring around the world on a shoestring budget
  • Live music enjoyed in tiny coffee shops and giant multiple day long festivals
  • Reading and cuddling
  • Tv show binging
  • Protesting
  • Camping and hiking
  • Road trips
  • Service
  • Faith questing
  • Blending family traditions and creating our own
  • Finger interdigitation
  • Thrifting
  • Loving love love love love
  • ...and much much more

We made a home of our enmeshed lives and hearts where we both climbed inside and lived for 12 fairy tale-ish years. Now the core foundation of that structure has been ripped apart. Our life used to be a story, our story with dual protagonists. That is no more. There will be no more stories beautifully written from Shar’s perspective but rather me grasping with an aching chest to recapture the home that is no more.

Thank God for my living breathing beautiful piece of her and all the memories, goodness and legacy she has left behind.


  1. Interdigitation ☺️ That reminds me of high school.

  2. Love this. Keep writing. It keeps her alive. I love learning about her beautiful soul and all that she left behind. Treasures and treasures to be cherished until you see her again. She is there. She is watching over you and JJ. Know that. Your love is inspiring and eternal. Thank you for your vulnerability and for sharing it with all of us who are on our own grief journeys. It is healing.

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